Xena: Sarah Bellomo
Sola: Tina Hollimon
Luna: Stephanie Hudson
Gund: Guy Payne
James T. Renford II: Lenny Rose
Dusty/Tommy: Rodrigo Botero
Rock/Jimmy: Stefan Galio
Moon/Neil: Kenny Johnson
Produced: Karen L. Spencer
Directed: Ellen Cabot
Screenplay: Mark Michelini.
Three women from a distant planet discuss losing virginity and
knowledge of "parental units" of same. They crash on
an island, and one of them, Xena, is thrown far from the spaceship,
losing her clothes in the tragedy. A man who indicates his name
is Moon gives her a drink. She has amnesia. The other two women,
Sola and Luna, search for Xena and are being watched by cameras.
They arbitrarily start dancing on the beach. An obnoxious madman
generates virtual reality dinosaurs to terrorize them, and we
see footage culled from Planet of Dinosaurs (1978). Lose
heart now; this is the end of the dinosaurs in this film.
The two stumble into a camp of frozen women,
who gradually dance when inspired by the two with their boombox
and their "intergalactic beat." They then resume their
search, meeting Gund, a weirdo with a paralyzed neck, and Rock,
another supposed caveman. He brings them to his friend Dusty.
After more pointless dancing, they meet up
with Xena and Moon. Having learned in Universal Pstchology
that "If we hit her on the head, it'll reverse her memory
loss," they hit her on the head and it reverses her memory
The "mad genius" James T. Renford
II wants to turn the island into a brothel and we discover that
the "cavemen" are "yuppies" and can talk but
have signed contracts with Renford not to. Renford imprisons
Sola, then the other two. The men feel guilty and decide to search
for the women, ending up also imprisoned. Renford sneers about
cooking them: "I'm gonna hate to give up my vegetarian diet."
They escape and one of the men has rigged some
kind of electrical booby trap which threatens to blow up the island
in a volcanic eruption. They escape with Gund aboard the spaceship,
Renford blows up, they dance, dump the earthlings, and the women
leave. During the final interminable credits, we see
from the film again, mostly dancing.
What can be said for a movie that recycles Planet of Dinosaurs
footage? This is another "sleaze lite" film that tries
to be funny and just makes one suicidal. They call Xena a
despite her 8-inch dark roots.
Many people would like this film. They're
called morons; they all have driver's licenses and lots of free
time. I see them every day (or as they would write, everyday).