(1993 / 1994)
The Movies Unlimited catalogue description claims: "Sexy
sci-fi fantasy in which gorgeous, animal-skin clad cavewomen unleash
their primitive sexual desires when a group of contemporary military
men land on their island paradise. But getting in the way of
the gal's [sic] mating urges are some ferocious dinosaurs. Ross
Hagen, Antonia Dorian and Michelle Bauer star in this Roger Corman
production." TV Guide calls it "Campy
Corman presents. 85 minutes.
A Wyn-Ray Media Production (A Fred Olen Ray - Jim Wynerski Film)
Captain Jason Briggs: Ross Hagen
John Skeemer: Richard Gabai
Peter Spellos: Wilber "Turbo" Turbowski
Tom Shell: Wayne "The Brain" Kincaid
April: Antonia Dorian
May: Griffen Drew
June: Michelle Bauer
Sergeant Ben Healey: Steve Barkett
Queen Morganna: Toni Naples
Corporal Buzz Branagan: Bob Sheridan
Virgin Sacrifice: Becky LeBeau
High Priestess: Nikki Fritz
Executive Producer: Mike Elliott
Produced and Directed: Jim Wynerski and Fred Olen Ray
Story: Bob Sheridan
Screenplay: Bob Sheridan and Christopher Wooden
Special Effects: Hal Miles and John Carl Buechler
Music: Chuck Cirino
A topless, painted woman dances at a ritual sacrifice of a screaming
tied woman. All drummers and attendants are women. Dino feet
approach and we see briefly a slobbering bloody dino mouth.
Cut to military plane and the narration of
Captain Jason Briggs, introducing Sergeant Ben Healey, pilot Corporal
Buzz Branagan, and three privates under arrest for going AWOL:
Wilber "Turbo" Turbowski, Wayne "The Brain"
Kincaid, and John Skeemer (a smirky Steve Guttenberg wannabe).
The plane goes down so we can have credits.
They raft to an uncharted island with Buzz
hurt. Their gear from the crash is mysteriously gathered. Skeemer
is glad to have his Playpen magazine. Turbo alone sees a female
warrior, until all hear splashing and discover women with spears.
Skeemer cries "Yabba Dabba Doo" regarding what he refers
to as the "hooters on those babes." Meanwhile, a dinosaur
has attacked Buzz and Wayne on the beach. The soldiers shoot
at it, but the women with spears arrive and drive it off after
it has eaten Buzz. "Surrender or die," claims a warrioress,
wanting to kill "Uncle Sam." That the Captain claims
to give orders raises a laugh among the women since men are
beasts. They march off at spearpoint.
Coming upon a bronto, the woman has to reassure
them that "Thunderbeast will not hurt you." The men
are made to kneel before the Queen of the tribe, who says, "Take
their fire-spears." The woman suggests, "Maybe they
can save us from the Great One." Skeemer: "Jackie
They are sentenced to work in the pit, but the Captain and Sergeant
rebel and escape while the other three are recaptured. Skeemer's
smiley-face tattoo saves them as the mark of the savior. Back
to the queen. In famine time, predicted the sacred scrolls, five
gods would emerge from the ocean and deliver the tribe from the
Great One. The soldiers must slay a dinosaur.
Three warrior princesses, later dubbed Miss
April, May , and June in reference to the porno mag, bathe topless
in front of the soldiers. We learn that missionaries taught them
English and disappeared into the jungle trying to kill the Great
One. The men are given back their guns, and they give the women
the magazine, claiming it is a sacred scroll. Wandering about,
Skeemer exclaims, "Look, it's the worst creature of all,
the Sarge-asaurus." The reunion of the five is interrupted
by a triceratops attack. They shoot repeatedly and kill it, but
Sarge is killed too.
At the burial ground, Wayne's wounded arm prevents
him from helping to dig the grave. May takes him into the woods
and a hot spring, performs a ceremony, and heals his arm with
the water. As thanks, she asks Wayne, "Teach me page 34."
The triceratops kill will feed the whole village
for a week. But the Queen notes that this is "just a baby
beast of armor. The Great One is ten times as big." So
the men must die. June challenges the Queen to a ceremonial duel
to save their lives. Chick fight. Party.
An insect problem accounts for the famine,
and Wayne concocts a pesticide. Skeemer plans to date April and
ropes cowardly Turbo into helping him hunt pterodactyl, her favorite
food. Their prey escapes, though, so Skeemer passes off some
turtle instead and teaches April "kiss," until she screams,
"Dear gods, the Great One." Skeemer: "Hey, I haven't
even taken it out yet." A tyrannosaur roars and chases them
to a cave, where Skeemer discovers gold, starts collecting it,
but is attacked by the beast of the cave. He spears this creature
in the mouth.
The Captain is taken to the Queen and they
agree to get the men off the island. She gives him a map to where
a radio and supplies are buried from another wreck. April and
Skeemer meanwhile discover a gigantic blue egg of the tyrannosaur.
After wisecracking and mugging at the camera, Skeemer talks April
into sex. The Captain digs up supplies and ammo. All are summoned
to the Queen again. The women are next in line for sacrifice
in a couple days at the spring equinox, although there's a question
about virgin sacrifice qualifications.
The four soldiers and the three women undergo
a mission to the egg to slay the beast. They await in a cave.
Turbo and June walk together and, since Turbo is fat, balding,
and pock-marked, we don't have to see them having sex. The T-Rex
meanwhile is attacking the village and biting the arm of one warrior.
The final scheme is to use June as bait for the T-Rex. She screams,
attracts the dino, and the others attack. Turbo lobs a grenade
into the mouth of the tyrannosaur and blows its head off.
Skeemer and April are married; the Queen convinces
the Captain to stay on the island; everyone is full of smirky
glee; and a baby tyrannosaur looks on and laughs.
This is real "USA Up All Night" fare--sleaze-lite--the
kind of film that almost makes me ashamed to have devoted my entire
life to dinosaur films. It does have the examples of fixation
on the dinosaur mouth though! (See? Told ya!)