Tempe Co. 85 min.
Captain Kronik: James Black
Morda: Christine Morrison
Benj: Tom Hoover
Professor Geting: Bill Morrison
Doctor Forband: Scott Emerson
Graft / Gurtorius Gonimus: James L. Edwards
Bob the Caveman: Joseph Daw
Executive Producer: David DeCoteau
Producer: J.R. Bookwalter
Story: Thomas Brown
Written: Jon Killough
Directed: Lance Randas
Dinosaur Animation: S. "Tock" Foutage.
We see the planet and spaceship from Planet of Dinosaurs
and learn that this is a mission from planet Zyrox not wanting
to get too close to Earth. Although Benj is hungry, the others
are horrified by "the ruler of their food empire," Ronald
McDonald. Graft, on the monitor, tells these five on the shuttle
that it's not Earth, but the planet Gurgon and that the ship has
been sabotaged. He seems to blow up and the five materialize
on the planet (the grim and wooded Mogadore, Ohio, actually).
They have a food problem because there is "lots of vegetation
but no sign of animal life." Benj wants a cheeseburger:
a "greasy meat disk slapped with a slab of coagulated milk
They are being watched. Morda and Benj are
terrorized byt he giant spider from Planet of Dinosaurs.
They all get stoned on sprouts and laugh as Dr. Forband is taken
off and eaten by a T-Rex from Planet of Dinosaurs.
Dawn breaks on Marblehead. They encounter
more stock footage, which interrupts Morda's come-on to the Captain.
A "caveman" appears and leads them to leaves to eat,
but more stock footage interrupts. Benj salivates over stock
footage of the T-Rex eating a fresh and bloody carcass. He does
The caveman, Bob, insists that dinosaurs ate
previous visitors to the planet: "the monsters made a meal
of them, one by one." When Morda asks, "How do you
like your monster cooked, Bob?" Bob turns out to be vegetarian:
"I don't think it's right to cause pain and suffering to
other creatures." "Why? They think it's all right
to cause pain and suffering to you." Benj is sick, and the
raw meat and intestinal worms are blamed. The torosaur from Planet
of Dinosaurs kills him (a la Harvey). That night, the Professor
is taken and eaten by the T-Rex (a la Derna). The Captain screams
at an imagined (but real) controlling enemy.
The Captain and Morda fight until the T-Rex
charges and dies on the stake set up in Planet of Dinosaurs.
Graft appears and theorizes that the planet is an experiment,
but Kronik insists it's "more of a game than a scientific
experiment" and blames Graft, who takes off his mask to reveal
the deformed Gurtorius Gonimus, scapegoat of the Emperor of Zyrox
who intended the planet to serve as a gulag. Gurtorius assumed
the shape of Graft and built Bob. About to kill Captain Kronik,
the T-Rex reappears and eats him.
Morda insists that she and the Captain must
now repopulate ("re-"?) the planet by breeding. The
Captain confesses, "I'm gay." They wander until seeing
a sight that has the Captain screaming "Bastards!"
They've been on Earth all along, but Earth destroyed. We see
a McDonalds arch half buried in the sand (a la Planet of the
The dinosaurs are all cannibalized from the cheesy Planet of Dinosaurs (1978), so that this film
rather interestingly lampoons the technique of recycling old footage,
barren rocky scenes of footage with the be-saplinged Ohio sequences.
Otherwise, this film's real attempts at humor just remind you how short