NYMPHOID BARBARIAN
IN DINOSAUR HELL

(1997)


Notes: Troma. 90 minutes.
AKA: Dark Fortress
Lea: Linda Corwin
Marn: Paul Guzzi
With Alex Pirnie, Mark Deshaies, K. Alan Hooder, Scott Ferro, Ryan Piper

Produced: Alex Pirnie, Brett Piper
Written and Directed: Brett Piper
Music: The Astral Warriors


Summary: The scene is obviously post-apocalyptic as Lea's voice narrates: "Dear Diary [a problem since we find out later that reading skills have been lost, nor is there evidence of sound recording equipment], the war when it came lasted just a day." Footage from some other Troma films show chaos. "My childhood was a brief catatonic pause. Then one day I woke up a woman. I'm the daughter of a new age." The radiation has turned "pets and livestock into gargantuan horrifying creatures. Now Tromaville has become a dinosaur hell."

Marn or Mark or something, the good guy, hunts a dog until a large dino-worm attacks, receiving an arrow in the eye. Meanwhile, three savage men spy on the loincloth-clad Lea and chase her, calling her "bitch," until a lake monster eats one of them and Marn and Lea then travel together.

Beachcombing mutants attack a wanderer and their leader cuts off a hand and eats it. The mutants attack Lea and Marn and lead her away. A somewhat crazy old man intoning the Jabberwocky gives Marn a gun: "Beats your swords and axes, eh?"

Lea escapes while the mutants watch a dinosaur fight. The mutant who fails to retrieve her is kicked by the leader and then eaten by a dino. Lea meets up with a masked guy for a while and discovers an ABC book which she practically can't read. The mutant group recaptures Lea and the leader beats the masked guy nearly to death. Eventually Lea fights this leader and the dino-worm tears off his left forearm.

Both Marn and Lea individually head towards a castle, the way being pointed to Marn by the dying masked guy. Lea is chased into a skull-cave by mutants, but runs out chased by a flying dragon who eats one of the mutants. Back inside she sees baby dragons hanging like bats, is cornered at a ledge above a monster swamp, and is imprisoned. The mutilated leader is back and droolingly attacks her, but she smashes two bricks against his head. He forks her over to the mutants who are taunting a monster in a pit: "The hell with you; you're lizard meat."

One mutant is shot and Marn chases the leader. When Marn is being strangled, Lea shoots at the leader but misses. The two chase the bad guy along a ledge until Lea kicks him into the monster swamp where he is torn apart and eaten. The two survivors embrace.


Commentary: The flying lizard is a dragon/dinosaur combo, but otherwise the "dinosaur hell" is actually populated with mutant monster-things. This is the dullest and most pointless stretch of a Dungeons and Dragons game it has ever been my misfortune to waste a Saturday night on.


Dinofilms
Dino-Source