PreCommentary: If time ended, why are we so clearly in past tense and still measuring the ending of the time in days? The video box claims that "Their lives became a living hell." So will yours when you watch: THE DAY TIME ENDED!

Notes: 80 minutes (but you can't know this because TIME ENDED).
Grant: Jim Davis
Ana: Dorothy Malone
Richard: Chris Mitchum
Beth: Marcy Lafferty
Jenny: Natasha Ryan
Steve: Scott Kolden
Gas Station Attendant: Roberto Contreras

Executive Producer: Charles Band
Story: Steve Neill
Screenplay: Wayne Schmidt, J. Larry Carroll, David Schmoeller
Produced: Wayne Schmidt, Steve Neill, Paul Gentry
Directed: John "Bud" (not mine) Cardos.

Summary: Nothing happens.

Okay, dammit, first we hear blab about the relativity of time and the myth of sequentiality. Then we see lights from space. Grandpa Grant (sometimes called what sounds like Fred) and his son or son-in-law (sometimes Richard, sometimes Steve) meet Grandma Ana (always called something else), son's wife (or Fred's daughter) Beth, grandkid Jenny, and some other kid, a younger son (?) at the airport and motor out to the barren wasteland where they have their new solar-powered home away from it all. Jenny gets a pony and it wanders into a glowing green pyramid while the others discover the livingroom is wrecked. They blame bikers and cook steaks. Constant weird phenomena are never explained (and never will be, sucker): lights turn themselves on, water turns itself on, a mirror is inexplicably fixed, green smoke brings a tiny alien who jumps around, UFOs fly through the sky, the car starts itself when they decide to run away. Jenny keeps disappearing and returning and Grandpa totes his comforting handgun, saying upon one of her reappearances, "God, I could have shot her." Should have, at least started with her.

Sonny tries to get back to the ranch, but we can't care because he can't do anything anyway. A bad thing enters the house--a floating machine--which catches Gramps' bullet mid-air and burns through a bedroom door. Dinosaur-like beasts fight outside and Gramps pitchforks one in the head a bit. Aircraft appear all over and we get more ELO shows. Jenny dissolves in the wind trying to run to Grandpa, and Mom runs towards her and disappears. Gramps announces that this is all a "time/space warp" and that regarding Jenny and Beth, "the vortex took them." God bless you, vortex.

The two old people and that extra boy ride horses while their house disappears. They seem to see several suns. A pyramid appears, Beth emerges and acts like a Moonie: "Everything is going to be fine." She waxes vague and vacuous about the galaxy being turned upsidedown for a while (and this is all the explanation we ever get!). Jenny appears on the road, as does Dad and a horse. They all see a space city and express how neato-sweet it is. Gramps turns to Grams and speculates that this was "all meant to be." (WHAT WAS???) "This is our new way of life."

Commentary: Keep all copies of this crappy movie away from me before I break city ordinances. There is no plot, nothing to try to keep track of, just endless witnessings of pointless light spectacles and a half-assed attempt to suggest that our feeble minds can't comprehend the tremendous evolutionary advancement of something. This film has nothing to do with "time" except to keep you thinking, every aching minute of this seven-hour brain-cancer, how much older you're growing and getting nothing done.

Is that extra kid adopted so he and Jenny can breed more vile humans? How are the space city beings going to feel about this batch's disgusting steak-guzzling?

There is no excuse for this movie.