VAMPIRE MEN OF THE LOST PLANET

(1973)


Notes: Independent-International presents an Al Adamson Production.
Dr. Rynning: John Carradine
Dr. Manning: Robert Dix
Valerie: Vicki Volante
Willy: Joey Benson
Lian Mallian: Jennifer Bishop
Bryce: Bruce Powers
Bob Scott: Fred Meyers
Linda: Britt Semand

Produced and Directed: Al Adamson
Executive Producers: Charles McMullen and Zoe Phillips
Screenplay: Sue McNair
Music: Mike Velarde.


Summary: A vampire intensely shouts the opening narration while attacks on poorly lit streets take place. He implies that vampirism originated millions of years ago in "deep dark space." Subsequently, none of this will have any connection to anything.

We cut to a rocket launch. Dr. Manning commands, "activate launchpad video scanner" [read: turn on the tv], "activate image stabilizer" [fix the tracking], and worries when the rocket is "not telemetering" [he can't see it on tv]. They cumbersomely call the rocketship XB-13. It is "hit bad" in some kind of collision and they have to land on a nearby planet. Fortunately "the atmosphere is identical to ours," which means we don't strain the budget with helmets and suits.

Dr. Rynning's supposed mild coronary allows him to stay aboard and render crotchety barkings. All other morons wander around in various film tints which allow a borrowing of b&w stock footage: enlarged lizards from One Million BC (now 30-plus years old!).

Soon we're in another film: a Japanese caveman movie with interminable battles of one tribe defending itself against cave-vampires with ludicrous fangs. These sights are taken to be "intelligent form of life."

The spacefools nab a cavewoman and perform a magic brain implant which allows her to speak English and explain the Japanese film, declaring her tribe to be peacelovers except for their killing for food.

Back on Earth, Dr. Manning justifies the tinting to his reclining wife with the help of a caulking gun. Honest to God!

Those Japanese caveidiots encounter bat-creatures while trying to get "fire-water" (scotch?) The space explorers decide they should have some of that there fire-water and that it resembles crude oil. Then we all split up pointlessly. Bob is killed and Willy is invited to stay on the planet by the cavewoman Valerie, but the red tint is getting to him and he faints.

Aboard ship, John Carradine is playing with his chemistry set. He tells the others with the fire-water that all of them have white-blood-corpuscles-devouring-the-red-corpuscles syndrome from the poison atmosphere. His armchair detection has determined that there used to be an advanced civilization on the planet, but that they abused their thermonuclear powers, destroyed the civilization, unleashed a deadly virus, and will all be dead soon. We grab Willy and leave.


Commentary: For a while, one suspects and hopes that John Carradine will turn out to be a traitor and a vampire himself aboard the spaceship, but alas, the film is simply an attempt to recycle footage from an absurd Japanese cavevampire movie. The film spends most of its time in self-justification for color problems.


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