Notes: Suburban Tempe Co. 85 min.
Captain Kronik: James Black
Morda: Christine Morrison
Benj: Tom Hoover
Professor Geting: Bill Morrison
Doctor Forband: Scott Emerson
Graft / Gurtorius Gonimus: James L. Edwards
Bob the Caveman: Joseph Daw

Executive Producer: David DeCoteau
Producer: J.R. Bookwalter
Story: Thomas Brown
Written: Jon Killough
Directed: Lance Randas
Dinosaur Animation: S. "Tock" Foutage.

Summary: We see the planet and spaceship from Planet of Dinosaurs and learn that this is a mission from planet Zyrox not wanting to get too close to Earth. Although Benj is hungry, the others are horrified by "the ruler of their food empire," Ronald McDonald. Graft, on the monitor, tells these five on the shuttle that it's not Earth, but the planet Gurgon and that the ship has been sabotaged. He seems to blow up and the five materialize on the planet (the grim and wooded Mogadore, Ohio, actually). They have a food problem because there is "lots of vegetation but no sign of animal life." Benj wants a cheeseburger: a "greasy meat disk slapped with a slab of coagulated milk product."

They are being watched. Morda and Benj are terrorized byt he giant spider from Planet of Dinosaurs. They all get stoned on sprouts and laugh as Dr. Forband is taken off and eaten by a T-Rex from Planet of Dinosaurs.

Dawn breaks on Marblehead. They encounter more stock footage, which interrupts Morda's come-on to the Captain. A "caveman" appears and leads them to leaves to eat, but more stock footage interrupts. Benj salivates over stock footage of the T-Rex eating a fresh and bloody carcass. He does the same.

The caveman, Bob, insists that dinosaurs ate previous visitors to the planet: "the monsters made a meal of them, one by one." When Morda asks, "How do you like your monster cooked, Bob?" Bob turns out to be vegetarian: "I don't think it's right to cause pain and suffering to other creatures." "Why? They think it's all right to cause pain and suffering to you." Benj is sick, and the raw meat and intestinal worms are blamed. The torosaur from Planet of Dinosaurs kills him (a la Harvey). That night, the Professor is taken and eaten by the T-Rex (a la Derna). The Captain screams at an imagined (but real) controlling enemy.

The Captain and Morda fight until the T-Rex charges and dies on the stake set up in Planet of Dinosaurs. Graft appears and theorizes that the planet is an experiment, but Kronik insists it's "more of a game than a scientific experiment" and blames Graft, who takes off his mask to reveal the deformed Gurtorius Gonimus, scapegoat of the Emperor of Zyrox who intended the planet to serve as a gulag. Gurtorius assumed the shape of Graft and built Bob. About to kill Captain Kronik, the T-Rex reappears and eats him.

Morda insists that she and the Captain must now repopulate ("re-"?) the planet by breeding. The Captain confesses, "I'm gay." They wander until seeing a sight that has the Captain screaming "Bastards!" They've been on Earth all along, but Earth destroyed. We see a McDonalds arch half buried in the sand (a la Planet of the Apes).

Commentary: The dinosaurs are all cannibalized from the cheesy Planet of Dinosaurs (1978), so that this film rather interestingly lampoons the technique of recycling old footage, here intercutting barren rocky scenes of footage with the be-saplinged Ohio sequences. Otherwise, this film's real attempts at humor just remind you how short life is.